Information and advice for partners
When a woman is suffering from Postnatal Depression the effects are felt throughout her family and close circle of friends. However, it is partners and those with the most frequent contact who feel the biggest impact.
If you are in this situation as a partner, it is quite normal to feel confused. You may also feel that you no longer know your partner as the same person she was before having the baby.
It may help to have some understanding of postnatal depression. This could be done by reading information leaflets provided by health professionals, or accessing some of the websites listed in the Links section. Finding out more about postnatal depression can help you to both cope with the situation, and also help you to support your partner. For a more personal account of one husband's experience click here.
If you are worried about any treatments or medication, you may find it helpful to discuss this with your GP or health visitor.
There can often be a miscommunication between partners at this stressful time, but it is important not to give up trying to talk to each other. It is hard work but helpful to you both in the long run. You may think that you are doing all you can to help, but perhaps your efforts go unappreciated, and this may be particularly difficult for you.
One of the symptoms of postnatal depression that partners may find difficult, is the woman's lack of interest in sex. Your partner will appreciate your patience at this time, and it may help to discuss how you feel about the issue and maintain some reassuring physical contact like hugging, holding her hand etc.
If there is someone else to whom you can talk this may help you to get things into perspective.
For many men this may be the first time they are being asked to talk about how they feel, and this may be easier for some than for others. If you are finding it difficult to speak about how you feel, then writing a diary may be more helpful to you. When your partner has recovered you may then be able to share it together.
Summary
- Find out about the illness
- Talk to your partner about how both she and you are feeling
- Use whatever resources you can find to help you
- Be patient as it will get better.
Below is a quote from one of the mothers, about information for partners.
If you have any other suggestions or tips to help partners, then please contact us. Or use the Surrey PND discussion board.
"My husband would re-assure me that all what I was feeling must be 'normal' and that loads of other new mums must be experiencing the same feelings of inadequacy and guilt. He would encourage me to take a break - go out with friends - make time for myself, then to try and make time for each other - to go out for dinner or to the cinema, to try to feel like a couple again."